Funny Cool Stuff

Got you. I understand sex sells, that’s why the brilliant subject to get you to click. Anyway, do you know why did I say a wife is a sex object? Well, because everytime you ask for sex, she objects!

Hahaha… if you think that has made your day, wait till you laugh over the following brilliant jokes! Don’t worry, they are safe at work, but make sure you lower down your volume!

When I was born, I got a choice - A big d*ck or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what I chose.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Impotence is the nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

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A Malaysian named Ah Meng dies and arrives in hell. He finds that there is a different hell for each country and he can choose which hell he wants to go to. He first goes to the Singapore hell. There outside the door is Ah Lian, looking bored. Ah Meng asks, “What do they do here?”

Ah Lian replies, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Singapore devil comes in and whips your butt for the rest of the day.”

“That’s terrible!” gasps Ah Meng. He is terrified! “I’m going to check out the other hells!”, he yells. He checks out the Thailand hell, the Indian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the Singapore hell. You get tortured to death basically!

Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and discovers a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circles around the lobby five times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushes his way through to the head of the line. Amazed he asks “What do they do here?”

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This is a very funny joke I received some time ago from a friend. I believe it’s worth sharing… hope it will make your weekend a much better one. Enjoy… make sure you read till the end.

One politician, one thief and an INTEL Manager died. They went straight to hell. Don’t ask me why hell, but not heaven.

The politician said “I miss my country. I want to call my country and see how everybody is doing there.” She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked “Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call?”.

The devil said “Five million dollars”.

The politician wrote him a check immediately and went to sit back on her chair.

The thief saw all these and was so jealous, he started screaming, “My turn! I want to call my group members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too!”

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked “Well, devil, how much do I need to pay for the call? Make sure it’s cheap enough.”

The devil said “Ten million dollars”.

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I came across this funny joke from a friend… I am not someone who laugh out loud reading any jokes, but this one got me rolling on the floor laughing! It’s so very funny that I think I cramped my stomatch muscles laughing! Hahaha… now, let me present you the funniest joke ever! Enjoy.

One cold night, a married couple is lying in bed. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep after a long day tiring at work. The husband turns his bed lamp on to read his favorite book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area.

He does this for a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is shocked and asks, “Why are you taking off your clothes?”

His wife replies, “You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.”

The husband says, “No, not at all.”

His wife asks angrily, “Well, what the hell were you doing then?”

“I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.”

Tagged: humor, jokes

Jennifer, the blonde was getting desperate for money. She decided to go to her neighbourhood and look for some simple jobs as a handy woman. She knocked on the door of a house, a man answered and told her, “Yes, I think I have a job for you. Do you think you can paint the porch?”

“Sure, of course I can,” said Jennifer obviously overjoyed.

“That’s great, how much do you want me to pay you?” asked the man.

“Is fifty bucks all right?” Jennifer asked.

“Yes, no problem at all. Please find the paint, the paint brush and all the equipment you might need in the garage.”

The man went back into his house. His wife had been listening, and immediately she asked “Fifty bucks! That’s a good deal, but does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?”

“Well, she must, she was standing right on it!” her husband replied happily.

About 30 minutes later, Jennifer knocked on the door. “I’m all finished,” she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed at her speed!

“You painted the whole porch?” He needed to confirm it apparently.

“Yeah, I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!” Jennifer replied.

The man reached into his wallet to pay Jennifer when she exclaimed “Oh, by the way, that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

LOL.

Tagged: blonde, humor, hilarious

Now this is one of the most lol blonde joke I have ever seen. Enjoy folks!

A plane is on its way to New York when a pretty blonde in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The stewardess notices this, and politely informs the blonde that she must go back to the economy class because that’s the type of ticket she has bought.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m staying right here!”

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the blonde to move, the stewardess goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her economy seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and explains that she needs to move, but once again the blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beatiful, I’m going to New York and I’m staying right here.”

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One fine night, three women go down to Mexico, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning! They are helpless although none of them can remember what they did the night before!

Anyway, before long the first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She answers, “I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. Everybody is amazed.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, “I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Haha… this is weird, but again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her!

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell you right now, you ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

Hahaha… what an honest but dumb blonde!

Tagged: humor, blonde, brunette

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe pageant representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which happended not too long ago.

It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with the letter “L”
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No. Radio does not start with the letter “L”

Then, the move on to the second question.

MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name me an animal starting with the letter “L”
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no!

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